Ramadhan #1

Semakin bertambah umur, semakin bertumbuh secara biologis, semakin besar tuntutan sosial untuk menjadi dewasa. Namun apakah itu semua selaras dengan pertumbuhan menjadi pribadi yang bijaksana?

Menjadi bijaksana bukan tentang kemampuan melihat salah benar, baik buruk, untung rugi, cari aman, dan berpusat pada diri sendiri hanya untuk keuntungan diri. Bisa jadi menjadi bijaksana, sesederhana tau kapan perlu bersuara, kapan perlu diam; sesederhana membiarkan orang menjalani kehidupannya, memberikan ruang untuk bertumbuh dan belajar sendiri, sekalipun tau itu salah; sesederhana mampu merendahkan ego tentang kebenaran, menjadi menang; sesederhana mampu melihat sesuatu tidak hanya dari sudut pandang sendiri, namun secara holistik dari segala aspek dan perspektif. 

Menjadi bijaksana sesederhana berkomunikasi dengan tubuh tentang apa yang tubuh butuhkan saat berbuka puasa. Apakah butuh minum air putih, jus, teh; butuh makan cemilan manis, makanan berat, jajanan berminyak; butuh makan sehabis shalat atau sebelumnya. Memasukan sesuatu kedalam tubuh yang tak berdasrkan ego dan nafsu, namun berdasarkan kebutuhan dan kebaikan untuk tubuh saat itu dan kedepannya.

Never Wait, Always Create

One form of self-respect is to never wait and always create.

Because we realize that our (soul, body, energy, time) are valuable.

Never wait for opportunity, create it.

Never wait for people, reach out.

Never wait for money, make it.

Never wait for connection, build it.

Never wait for timing, choose it.

Never wait for love, love self-first.

Never wait for perfection, finish it.

Never wait for closure, do it.

Never wait for anything or anyone. 

Let everything and everyone that worthy for us, come by itself.

Happy Birthday

 Happy Birthday to my dearest myself.

Thank you for effort that I made to myself to take care, to heal, to move, to love, to be joy, to be expand, to be grateful, to be more consciousness, to be being me, to trust self, to standup for myself, to care, to see what it is, to always explore, to be strong willed, to know self-better, to build boundaries, to stay fit, what else? I am so grateful for my life, my self, and all the people (and everything) that love me. 

23/2/24

From many conversations with various people, I unconsciously reflected on what I likes and dislikes, what's acceptable and what's not, until I realized something:

• I can't get close to more than one person even if we just met or are getting to know each other. 
• If I'm not initially interested, no matter how hard someone tries, it won't change anything.
• If a relationship ends, done is done. There's no going back, no playing/ dating/ having intimate with exes, no reconciliation (back together).
• I'm not the type to be overly infatuated, especially to the point of not using my brain.
• I can't do casual sex or undefined dating with multiple people when men do the same with multiple women. 
• I've already decided something from the beginning (as friends or partners) and it won't change.
• I have to be the one who likes first before anything happens.
• I am very committed and loyal. 

Actually, from the beginning, when you meet someone, you can already see how they are, including their future, even sensing their sexual vibes, etc. So there's no need for the language of "getting to know each other first," "trying it out first," because I already know. Why bother if the ending is already known and doesn't align with personal goals (serious relationship, commitment, etc.) ? 

Anyway, so far, my intuition has been right, proven.

On the other hand, such a mindset discards the opportunity to enjoy and have fun in the midst of it (the process). Like from the beginning, knowing I won't marry that person, it could open up other things during the closeness process (in the middle) that benefit oneself (insight, pleasure, networking, etc.). Hmmm...

Then comes contemplation again, how and where to meet like-minded people with similar values and rules? Because many people (almost everyone) I meet, and the majority in society, are the type who want security, don't want to lose, and avoid risks. Such as getting close to several opposite-sex individuals during approach, dating multiple people simultaneously, being able to have casual sex without feelings, and even while in a relationship, still open to finding someone else considered better; never settling down, always searching, and keeping options open. The same applies to marriage, with the potential for divorce when needs are unmet and marrying someone who can better fulfill those needs (financially, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually).

Human and Society

Are all people only loyal to their own needs and benefits? 

Everyone I've met throughout my life, even those who seem innocent in their stories, behavior, action, and mindset, appear to be like that. Is commitment truly only to one's own happiness?

When their needs are not met or their happiness decreases, they tend to go look for something or someone else that can fulfill their needs and make them happy (friends, jobs, colleagues, partners, etc.). Is this the reason why people divorce, break up, stop being friends, resign, get fired, fire others, cheat, betray, manipulate, and even do harm just to fulfill their own needs and happiness?

Black and White

It turns out that kind people are limited to maintaining relationships, for marketing purposes, and just answering questions like when we ask a parking attendant for directions. They may be good only to that extent, and many may even have hidden agendas for their personal interests. So why be too grateful, especially to the point of indebting oneself and sacrificing a lot?

Similarly, when there are people who seem unpleasant, in reality, they sacrifice a lot, give much of themselves, care deeply, but may not be skilled in communicating in a pleasant way and expressing their affection in a manner that others desire and can accept.

Many things are not black and white.

Learn

I learn how to detached with everything and everyone.
I learn how to be care and love others without abused myself.

I learn how to allowance others and stand up for myself.

I learn how to receive without guilty, shame, and feel have to give back.

I learn to unlearn program, dogma, everything that irrelevant anymore.

I learn how to prioritize myself and commit to my own happiness.

I learn how to speak up, communicate my needs and fulfill it.

I learn how to know my limit and boundaries.

I learn how to put "things" on the right place. 

I learn how to see people for who they are. 

I learn to respect and honor myself. 

I learn how to see is what it is. 

I learn to let go when my needs didn't meet 

and move to others that fulfill it as soon as possible.

I learn to open with every possibility without expectation. 

I learn how to take care and protect myself. 

I learn to trust myself. 

Being Kind

Being kind to self are...
Letting go all heaviness,

Letting go of unkind and unpleasant moment,

Walking away from harmed and abused people,

Letting go of one-sided relationship,

Letting go of everything that doesn't work,

Letting go of everything that irrelevant anymore,

Let the emotion flowing without resistant,

Let kind, sincere people in,

Receive love, help, care.

Being kind to self are...

Having commitment to choose happiness whatever happens.

Stand up for self, pursue what desire,

Always choose self. 

Back to own reality.

In one moment of contemplation, 

I asked myself:

What life do I really desire and lust for?
What kind of people do I desire in my life?
What kind of environment do I desire?
What kind of job do I really desire?
What do I really require, desire, lust for?
Who and what do I require to add to my life for a much better life, 

full of abundance, wealth, luxury, joy, greater, full of convenience?
Who and what do I require to let go of from my life?
What is my really truth reality?

Who am I?
What are my powers, potential, abilities, capacities?
and wwit to use it all for my own benefits and advantages?

Show me clarity and guidance~

Create

I create my own life

for good, for bad
for pain, for pleasure
for suffering, for abundance

for wealth, for broke

for health, for sick

for joy, for sadness

for content, for emptiness

for success, for failure

for shinning, for darkness

for outstanding, for looser

for being respected, for being doormat

For being spotlight, for being ignored

I create my own life,

No one can damage, harm, abuse, ruin, and destroy 

my body, my soul, my life, and my future without my permission.

It took decades to realize it all 

and take action for what I really want and deserve.

I am the creator for my own self and my life.

Celebrate for owning self and being self.

27/01/24

I am not belonging to my family,

I am not belonging to the society.

I am not part of community.
I don't have friends.
I don't have circle.

I don't have partner.

often feel alone and deeply lonely to the core.

Nobody gets me, deep understanding me. 

Time by time, the more I know myself (accept me for who am I) and how the world functions, 

the more I know my value, what I desire, what I require, being kind to self, 

and more tolerance to others. 

Mutual

When two people have both made a choice and chosen each other, 

then everything feels very easy, effortless, and mutual.

Both choose to be open with each other

Choose to love, accept affection, and cherish.

Choose to trust and believe in each other

Choose to be present with each other

Choose to give and receive mutually

Choose each other, love each other

Choose to be together and unite.

Intimacy

Intimacy unfolds naturally and mutually, as two souls bare themselves to each other, revealing vulnerabilities, exchanging stories, delving into the depths of their desires and insecurities, free from any judgment. In this sacred space, there exists comfort, a sanctuary of safety, a profound connection, an unbreakable attachment, an unwavering trust, and an unending continuity. The entire experience unfolds with a natural, effortless grace, devoid of any imposition, seamlessly, and in the serene calmness of the moment. Intimacy involves nurturing and nourishing each other. Unconsciously contributing to the growth, well-being, happiness, pleasure, wellbeing, progress in life, empowerment, and success in both career and financial aspects. 

All of that happens when two souls mutually choose for it to unfold.

Hmmm

I'm curious, who is my husband and what kind of person is he? 
If he can be my husband, it means he can overcome all my intensity, 

and all the things in me that most people can't accept and be ease with it. 

Hmm, even if it is happiness and love, aka something fun and pleasure,

not everyone can receive my love, my joy, and my kindness. 

Intense

Many people still hard to differentiate between heaviness and intensity. There are also many who cannot handle the intensity. As simple as someone being intense, others may perceive it as anger. Similarly, when sharing a topic, those who cannot handle it may see it as anger, deep sadness, complexity, suffering, or hardship. However, the person writing it may simply be intense and doing well in life. Not everyone can handle someone's intensity.

Most of people love in surface, light energy, for fun, simple things. 

Many individuals perceive deep and intense experiences as challenging, complex, and unpleasant. As a result, some people may choose to avoid such experiences, even those who possess deep thoughts, emotions, and a keen sense of observation. This includes individuals who enjoy delving into their inner selves and confronting the darkness within. It is important to acknowledge that the deeper one delves into oneself, the darker and more intimidating it may appear. However, embracing and exploring these depths can also lead to personal growth, self-discovery, and a greater understanding of oneself.

Being honest and open

People afraid to speak up honestly, maybe afraid of people judgement. 

or aware of what people will see them and affect their life. 

While being open and transparent can foster a sense of familiarity and casual conversation, it is important to consider potential drawbacks. Some individuals may take advantage of this openness, using the information to their advantage. Additionally, there is a risk of being judged, abandoned, or experiencing strained relationships if others perceive the level of openness as excessive. It is crucial to strike a balance between sharing information and maintaining personal boundaries to ensure healthy relationships and overall well-being.

Happy New Year

Hiiii, Happy new Year Everyone!